Simon Harris turns 38 with chocolate cake and a looming general election

What a difference a year makes.
Twelve months ago, Simon Harris was a lowly minister for higher education fighting to control a debilitating TikTok habit while contemplating old age, a Sinn Féin-led government and life on the Opposition benches.
And as he celebrated his 37th birthday last October, at least he could take consolation in knowing that, whatever else happened, there was always cake. (Although you wouldn’t know it to look at him.)
Back then, he would never have imagined he would be cutting the cake on his next birthday as Taoiseach and leader of Fine Gael.
But that’s how it went and he was at the Council of Europe in Brussels on Thursday when he turned 38. His fellow leaders gave him a round of applause and he got presents from the prime ministers of Latvia and Lithuania.
He must have been pinching himself.
When he got back to Dublin on Friday, his staff threw up a few decorations around the Annie West cartoons in his office in Government Buildings and splashed out on a chocolate cake and a balloon.
But this was a special balloon, like one of the ones people buy for those annoying gender reveal parties. For it was a candidate reveal balloon.
The balloon burst with an unmerciful bang when the Taoiseach prodded it with the corner of an election promise and a fully formed Noel Rock fell out, fluttering to the floor in a cloud of Fine Gael confetti to applause and cheers and the pop of prosecco corks.
Or so we would like to imagine.
Anyway, the party’s former TD in Dublin North-West caused quite the surprise in political circles on Friday afternoon when he announced he was running for the Dáil having previously insisted there was no going back.
What better birthday present could a new Taoiseach wish for?
Harris went to see Hamilton on Friday night with the missus.
He would love it. Especially the song Shot, sung by Alexander Hamilton.
It has the perfect chorus for a young and hungry Taoiseach on the brink of his first general election as party leader.
“I am not throwin’ away my shot
Hey yo, I’m just like my country
I’m young, scrappy and hungry
And I’m not throwin’ away my shot.”
Hopefully he resisted the urge to start dancing in the aisles of the Bord Gáis.
Mattie McGrath’s celebrated all-purpose question for political eventualities is perfect for summing up Sinn Féin’s problems this week.
Remember it? It was the question of questions from the great Montrose Inquisition of 2023 when RTÉ’s head honchos were hauled before the Public Accounts Committee (PAC) for the thumb screws. It was a great one because, depending how one heard it, it had two very different meanings.
Who are ye loyal tah?
Indeed. Who is Sinn Féin loyal to?
After a difficult week fielding tough enquiries and grudgingly supplying less than satisfactory answers, the party’s accounts of its in-house handling of potentially damaging incidents involving senior members – elected and otherwise – left many in Leinster House wondering who is in charge of political matters in the 26 counties.
Dublin or Belfast?
And wondering if the party places allegiance to the republican movement above its requirements to State and parliament.
Who are ye lyin’ tah? As the man from RTÉ, and others, thought Mattie said.
Maybe there is no lying, but truth comes dropping slow from Sinn Féin at the moment. They insist this is down to legal and other constraints, particularly since they invited An Garda Síochána into the confusion.
The Government and much of the Opposition is still far from happy with its porous accounts of how it dealt with inappropriate – and in one case, criminal – conduct by party members; and how it managed unknown events which precipitated the departure of its deputy for Laois and erstwhile PAC chair Brian Stanley.
As the week progressed, Leinster House was left wondering if this is the end of the embarrassing revelations for Sinn Féin or is there more to come?
By the way, Mattie and his fellow members of the Rural Independent Group were unanimous in their loud support of Sinn Féin in the Dáil on Tuesday night after the party was kicked around the chamber by speakers from the other main parties.
A deflection from more serious matters and a politically motivated witch hunt by the Government on the verge of a general election, was their view.
Most relieved person of the week: Agent Cobalt.
Elbowed off the news agenda by Mary Lou’s omniscandals omnishambles, Leinster House’s resident Russian spy was able to take a breather when focus shifted to Sinn Féin and the Troubles.
The giddiness brought on by a Sunday Times report that a Putin asset is operating in the Oireachtas all but evaporated as the concerning drip-feed of information on multiple fronts from Parnell Square and west Belfast swamped the week’s business.
Speculation over the Cobalt’s identity subsided in both the Dáil and Seanad, although Fianna Fáil’s Malcolm Byrne managed to sneak in a mention on Wednesday while commending Green senator Vincent P Martin’s excellent Bill on the protection of the native Irish honey bee, which passed all stages in the Upper House on Wednesday.
“In light of events last week, I’m wondering if we’ll also need a honeypot Bill to be introduced into this House,” he wondered.
“Are you proposing this?” asked Cathaoirleach Jerry Buttimer.
“No.”
Phew.
From phew to phoar!
Here’s your Saucy Micheál Moment of the Week.
During Thursday’s questions on policy and promised legislation, Fianna Fáil TD James O’Connor talked about “the rampant growth” in solar farms in east Cork. He told Micheál Martin that they range in size from 450 acres to 1,200 acres and one development “will potentially remove the largest single cow herd in the country”.
This is of huge concern to people in east Cork who don’t want “our green fields turning grey”.
The Tánaiste said the promised Government guidelines have to take various issues into account, including constitutional property rights and a need to balance the production of solar power with food security and food production needs.
A balance is also required “in the aesthetics as well”, he said, waxing lyrical about the vast expanse of “beautiful fields” around that that area of his native Cork.
“I mean, I don’t think the country would appreciate the entire green grass of Ireland – 40 shades of green, being replaced with…”
The Tánaiste put his hand up to his mouth because he realised he was about to say something risqué.
“ … Forty shades of grey”.
Thrilled with himself.
“That’s not a bad way to finish, is it?” smirked Saucy Micheál as Anne Rabbitte and Mary Butler did morto-for-him facepalms in the row behind.
It’s enough to put you off your breakfast.
Unless he was talking about his parliamentary party.
Independent TD for Wexford Verona Murphy, never a shrinking violet when it comes to getting her points across in Dáil Éireann, launched an unusually personalised attack on Fianna Fáil’s Mary Butler in the Dáil on Thursday.
Understandable, perhaps, in these highly-charged pre-election days when nerves are on a knife-edge among politicians facing into a campaign with their jobs on the line.
But still…
Both women are from constituencies in the sunny southeast, with Butler representing neighbouring Waterford. The exchange happened when Murphy brought up the volunteer River Slaney Search and Rescue organisation, which is often called out to recover the bodies from the water but gets no funding from the State.
She claimed the situation is compounded by the lack of a 24-7 mental health service in the county which might help prevent some of these tragedies and mean less call outs for the rescue service.
Butler, the Minister of State for Mental Health, said funding for such groups is available but they have to comply with regulatory and compliance requirements to secure it. She added it is “absolutely untrue” to say there isn’t 24-hour support available to people with mental health issues in Wexford.
“They can attend the emergency department in Wexford General Hospital, which is always going to be the first port of call – an emergency department out of hours.”
But Verona was far from impressed.
She turned her attention Mary’s party leader, Micheál Martin.
“That’s what elects Independents, Tánaiste: The rubbish that you talk.”
Mary bristled. “That’s appalling behaviour. You got your moment again for South East Radio, deputy.”
“Well, good for you,” Verona shot back. “And let me tell ya, every time someone ends up in the Slaney, you’ll get your moment.”
That was uncalled for.
Mary Butler looked shocked.
But then, political passions are running high in Wexford where is it is strongly rumoured that former TD and recently vanquished MEP Mick Wallace is preparing a campaign to recapture his old seat.
Local political observers reckon Wallace would be in with a very good chance if he decides to run in the new four-seater Wexford constituency and say his return would create big problems for Sinn Féin’s Johnny Mythen and Verona.
Wallace tends to declare at the last minute, which is not helping matters for edgy candidates.
We asked Mick if he intends to run.
“To tell you the truth, I haven’t made a decision.”